the T word

A few stories about kids, parents, and how God is teaching me trust.

Disclaimer: I’ve never taught a kid to ride a bike. Babysitting does not make me an expert. I am not a parent and am not claiming to know anything about parenting, nor am I insulting anyones parenting style. 

Story #1
I was jogging at a park nearby recently and saw a kid, maybe 10 years old, learning how to ride a bike. This kid was crying pretty hard, he was obviously scared and nervous and I saw that he was pedaling really slow. The trick to riding a bike with two wheels is that you have to pedal at a normal/fast past in order for the bike to not be super wobbly or just fall over. You can pedal at any speed on a tricycle or bike with training wheels,. But this kid was going slow so it made his bike wobble and he couldn’t control it and he was TERRIFIED of falling. His parents are like, “you gotta trust us!” And I’m watching this kid and thinking, “If you just pedaled a little faster you would have it!” But this kid thinks pedaling faster is going to make it worse, so he’s crying and man it’s just a mess.

–Can I tell you how many times God was saying to me, “Just trust me. Just pedal a little harder and it’ll get better, not worse.” And I’m on the bike screaming my head off, afraid to push a little harder, go a little deeper, not realizing that if I just trusted someone who had been riding a ‘big kid bike’ for a lot longer than I have, that things would go well for me.

Story #2
I recently babysat for a sweet kid who is a bundle of fun. He’s a kind child who is very obedient. He got a little fussy when it was time to put him to bed, but he was obedient through his fuss! Anyway- the long of the short is, he couldn’t go to sleep because he kept asking for mom. It’s tough when they’re young, because most kids don’t have a sense of time yet. Every minute is an hour and every hour is eternity. I ended up staying in the room with him until his mom and dad came home, because as I would start to leave, he would pop up and say, “Are you going?”
I would say, “Yes. Do you want me to stay?”
He would say, “Yes.”
I would say, “Ok I’m staying” and he would lay back down.
Every so often he would pop back up to see if I really was staying. I couldn’t even be mad! His desire to see his parents was so innocent and gentle- he didn’t throw a tantrum or act out, he would just ask questions. And every so often, he would start crying- I suppose he thought they weren’t coming back, or he was just overcome with sadness. I always encouraged him to take deep breaths and hug his Mickey Mouse doll tight when he got sad.
And every so often he would ask quietly, “Is mommy home yet?”
I would always reply, “No, but she will be soon.”
But soon didn’t mean anything to him. Remember? No concept of time. (By the way- he was asleep in minutes after his parents came home and his dad went up to see him! He was a tough cookie for staying up as late as he did.)

–God says to us, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” God’s time is different than our time. I can’t tell you how many times I found myself doing what that sweet little boy was doing. I’m waiting for something God has promised and I keep popping up and saying, “Is it time yet? Is it? Can I have what you promised?” And the crying when I thought it would never happen? How that must break God’s heart like it broke mine when the boy cried! The little boy will eventually learn time and the meaning of soon, but unlike him, I may never grasp God’s time or the meaning of His soon. But I can learn to trust. I’ve seen a lot of kids who just trusted the babysitter when they said mom and dad would be home soon. 

Story #3 
I have to say, and this might make me sound kind of mean, I find it kind of funny when children cry over silly things. Like.. kids who cry because they have to wear socks or because they can’t find their ball and it’s sitting right next to them. It’s humorous. Here’s a few for some giggles: http://www.studentbeans.com/mag/en/news/23-best-pics-from-reasons-my-kid-is-crying
One of the sweet kiddos that I spend tons of time with is my best friends son. He does that kind of stuff all time. Just last night he got upset about a broken piece of food. Mom fixed it and said the right thing. He does this with quite a few things! He’ll cry cause his 7mo old brother can’t do something, or he can’t find something that’s sitting right next to him.. and I always laugh! I don’t mean to, but if he knew what I knew, he would laugh at himself too. He would think, “what a silly reason to cry or fuss.”

–God reminds me all the time (because I ask and complain and have not-so-adult tantrums all the time), “I see you. I see your circumstance. I see the desires of your heart.” How did I forget that God exists outside of time and my brain and He sees my now and my future and knows what’s best. I fuss about the silliest things when I look at my life and my circumstances from what only I can see. But there is comfort in knowing that God SEES. The ‘T’ word (Trust) can be scary when I forget to think on the fact that God is a restorer (Joel 2:25) he’ll show us where our misplaced toys are. He’s a fixer (Psalm 147:3) and He sees (Genesis 16:13). He sees me. He sees you. And He loves. Oh, how he loves. 

you make me happy when skies are grey

People ask me all the time, “what’s new?” and “Tell me about your life!” but my life has found a sense of normalcy here (finally). There is nothing grand or new or incredible about my life. It’s the small things that make my life the adventure it is; watching a friend come to a deeper understanding of her identity in Christ, two year old arms that give the sweetest hugs, calls from your best friend (the one that lives 10 minutes away) that last an hour only because you haven’t seen each other in two days, movies and cookie dough with your roommate, puppy cuddles, feeling stronger on your evening run than I did a week ago, taking a yoga class for the first time in a long time, discovering how delicious green smoothies are, munching on your new favorite (and healthy) snack of peanut butter + vanilla greek yogurt and an apple and being really happy that healthy tastes so good, reading a scripture and experiencing a kiss from the Lord, and seeing how beautiful fall colors really are under a grey sky.. these things are extravagant in themselves.

Rainy fall days might be the most extravagant of them all. The simple beauty is unmatched.. grey skies accentuate the reds and oranges that color the trees and the sound of rain feels like home.

salsa & other things you should say yes to.

What I cooked & things you should say yes to:

Say ‘yes’ to new.

When my photographer friend suggested a Cook-over for labor day, I couldn’t say no. It’s been too long since I’ve had beautiful pictures taken of my food! I asked for suggestions from some of the people attending, and someone said chicken parmesan. I had never made chicken parmesan and I mostly only like to make new things if I get to choose them. But I opened the door for suggestions, so I said yes.

I hate to admit this, but it’s my first instinct to say ‘no’ when invited somewhere or asked a question. According to my mother, ‘no’ has always been a favorite word of mine (‘no no mine do’ used to be one of my best sentences). Saying yes is a bit foreign to me. Readers, you should be proud. I’ve been practicing saying ‘yes’ to people (in a healthy way). And this was one of those times.

This is the recipe I chose for the chicken parm: http://www.iamthatlady.com/recipe-for-chicken-parmesan/

Most of my “bread chicken and fry it” attempts in the past have been disastrous, but this was not (thanks to some help from my Tarzan friend) and the general ease of the process. Photographic proof that this new (or at least my first time making it type of new) dish turned out excellent:

 

Say yes to familiar.

There was also a request for salsa in addition to the chicken parmesan. (See recipe here: http://thewinepress.co/2014/02/08/yesterday-today-tomorrow-tacos/) Making salsa reminds me of old roommates, other cooking experiences, and generally just good times with people I love. We all love comfort foods, my comfort food is mashed potatoes. My ultimate american comfort food is chick-fil-a. No joke.. before I go out of the country, I eat CFA, my first meal when I come back is CFA. Comfort. Food.

There is nothing wrong with saying yes to the same thing we always get when we go to a restaurant, or wearing the same earrings with that one shirt, or doing something just because it feels familiar. I don’t think this should be the filter for everything.. but salsa.. now that’s something you should always say yes to.

Say ‘yes’ to help.

One of the reasons I love to cook is because food makes other people happy. It’s one of the most tangible ways I can serve my friends and show them my love.. so I don’t like to get help in the kitchen. This is MY way of showing you I love you! Unfortunately, in some cases my pride gets in the way and literally won’t LET someone help- even if I needed it. But (as I mentioned earlier) I had not been successful frying chicken before (some southerner I am), so I asked Tarzan for help. (‘Tarzan’ is my friend Steve, but his hair is pretty long and he looks like Disney’s Tarzan. Seriously. He does.) He did an amazing job. The chicken was… perfect. 

Asking for help can often been seen as a sign of weakness, but it is in fact, the opposite. Asking for help is a sign of humility and strength. To admit that you cannot do this yourself, but are in need of another hand, another brain, another back to carry the load, shows that you are not afraid to be vulnerable. I said yes to help with frying chicken, but I’m practicing (as mentioned above) saying yes to more things- including vulnerability.

My Tarzan friend did an amazing job with the chicken, he was a chicken-frying-genius. He even helped me (although I argued him) assemble the cheese and sauce part. The chicken parm was better because I chose not to do it alone.

Say ‘yes’ to process.

According to the recipe I followed there was a three step process to coating the chicken before it could be fried. Flour, egg, and breadcrumbs. And most people just do egg and then flour and go from there. In fact, a couple people watching me do this said, “Isn’t it just flour and eggs?” I could have doubted the recipe (and I was very tempted, after all it was new), but I had already starting coating the chicken. This was probably the most time consuming part of making the chicken parm. Yes, the frying took a little bit of time, but this wasn’t just time consuming, it was messy on a million counts, and not even seemingly the right way to do it! But I did it anyway. And you know what? It was fun. And the chicken turned out beautifully (you did see that final product picture, didn’t you?). The coating was perfectly crispy and delicious.

I can’t tell you how many moments or seasons in my short life have been messy on a million counts and so challenging they seemed to be wrong; too many to count. But I have always been able to look back and say that the process was worth it. The process is ALWAYS worth it. Say yes to getting messy and spilling the metaphorical flour and breadcrumbs all over the counter of your life. Don’t just keep doing the thing because the recipe says so and complaining about it, love and laugh about the fact that your hands are covered and sticky and your apron is dirty. Being mad because the process is messy is a waste of your time. Saying yes lets you enjoy it.

 

Say yes to cookies.

There is nothing more to that statement. I believe in cookies like I believe in comfy pillows and Chick-Fil-a.

Recipe used: http://lilluna.com/recipe-tip-deal-and-video-of-the-week-easy-and-soft-mm-cookies/

 

 “i imagine that yes is the only living thing.” [[e.e. cummings]]

Recommended jams.

I’m going to go ahead and disappoint those of you who thought this post was about the fruity spread you might put on toast, bagels, next to peanut butter, or maybe even eat straight from the spoon. This post is actually about a new band and their album that I discovered recently. But you should know before you read this that I am no music “critic” so this won’t be eloquent, and perhaps by the end of the post, you will have wished I’d written about my favorite brand of strawberry jam.

This album ‘Young’ by The National Parks has been gracing my speakers lately and I like it so much, I wanted to recommend it to the general population ( aka: The 30 of you who will read this post – thanks, mom).

The National Parks have this folky, Mumford & Sons (minus some of the rock), Civil Wars (minus the sad edge), banjo + violins happy groove. They’re perfect for a car ride, background music while you hang out with friends or work, and even for writing (You’ll never guess what I’m listening to as I write this). This band has male singer who sings lead 80% of the album, but his beautiful female background vocalists are somehow equally as appealing in all of those songs. They have a slightly more country bent to their folk feel (songs: Young, Wind & Anchor, The Meadow), but even I, who disdains country music, enjoy these tunes greatly.

Perfect time of the day to listen to them: 10:00a – Sunset. Not recommended past dark.

Perfect if you like: hiking, drinking coffee, pictures of people holding warm mugs, camping, looking at pictures of people camping on pinterest, fall colors, singing, sunshine, male/female harmonies, road trips, old maps, instragram filters, and nature.

Helsinki is my favorite song on the album, with Bird’s Eye coming in a close second. These songs make my whole world feel like a Pumpkin Spice Latte, wrapped in a flannel button down, sealed with crunchy leaves to step on. They sound like 6:45pm on an September day when you’re in the car and you get all the green lights and there’s no traffic, you’re going an easy 50 miles an hour, and there’s no humidity so you can roll the windows down.

This album is easy to listen to, easier to like, and is one of only a few albums I enjoy listening to every song. I simply had to do my best to convince you that this album will be a most excellent choice for an end of summer/fall is coming playlist.

Happy Listening!

My first year in ministry as told by “Oceans”

Prologue: This post may apply only to those who are also in ministry, or have done ministry, but that’s okay. That’s my audience today.

By the grace of God (literally), I’ve now been in full time ministry for 14 months. It’s been quite a year. It’s not like I haven’t done ministry before, I had the honor of being a camp counselor for an amazing Christian camp in North Georgia, and spending 10 months as an intern in a youth group at a fantastic methodist church. I did two years of ministry school and lots of ministry during that time, but full time ministry was a whole ‘nother ball game.

It’s not like I wasn’t warned either. I spent two years hearing that ministry was hard and ‘preparing’ for that. And I think the place I went prepared me as best they could, but I see now why they kept just saying “ministry is hard.”

I realize my experience of my first year in ministry is very different than what many did or will experience. But this was my experience, or at least some tiny bits of my experience. And I’m going to use the ever popular “Oceans” by Hillsong United to help me out.

You called me out upon the waters
That was literally the beginning of my first year. And then also what I’ve been holding onto all year. A call out to a new place with new people and all kinds of new things. And on the hardest days of my first year I clung to the fact that I got a call to come here. On my loneliest days (and there were many) I remembered this is where God beckoned me to.

The great unknown..
There was something quite literal about this ‘great unknown’ – especially because I moved to a new state, a new part of the country, joined a new (well, new to me) church, and had to navigate a new culture. I cannot tell you how grateful I am that I’m not oversees yet. A new culture is hard enough without having to figure out a new language. The Lord reminds me all the time, “At least everyone here speaks english.” Sometimes my day to day is unknown. My big picture was definitely unknown. All I knew was move here and serve the socks off this church. But ‘the great unknown’ was a big theme for me this past year.

where feet may fail
“May” is an understatement. There are so many opportunities for failure when it comes to ministry and of course just being human. And I took all of them in this season, by the way. I would list all the times I failed on here, but it would take up the rest of the blog post. My point is that failure happened. And it was humbling and I’m better because of it.

and there I find you in the mystery
Here it is folks, I spent a lot of my first year asking God, “Why?” Why am I here, why I am I called to THIS, why do I have to go through this particular trial at this moment, why is this person acting like this, why does everyone hate me, why am I here, etc.. Some of these questions were legit questions, but some of them were just me being emotional (shocker, I know). Either way- the ‘why’ took me closer to Him. Asking ‘why’ reminded me to stop asking why, and to ask for more of God.

in oceans deep, my faith will stand
If I didn’t rely Jesus as much as I did this first year (and unfortunately, I didn’t do it enough), I think I would be a lot more unsteady now than I am. This year was a constant reminder that people are human and that forgiveness is a daily choice. And in the times I literally felt like I was drowning, believing God is who he says he is kept me strong.

I will call upon your name
I forgot to do this a lot. Way too often, in fact. I actually called on my own name more than I care to admit to you. But oh how futile. How useless. Calling upon the name of Jesus is the ONLY solution in ministry. Angry? Call his name. Something not go as planned? Call his name. Something go way better than you planned? Call his name. Your most effective tool in ministry is the name of Jesus! Took me forever to realize this..

And keep my eyes above the waves
Sometimes ‘the waves’ are yourself. Sometimes ‘the waves’ are your bank account. Sometimes ‘the waves’ are other people (your co-workers, team members, friends, family). It doesn’t matter, Peter taught us that keeping our eyes above the waves and on Jesus is the way to walk on water, but looking at the waves just pulls us under. I looked at the waves too much. And then I got into the ‘why’ thing.. (see above). And it was ugly. My goal this next year is to stop looking at the waves so much.

when oceans rise
And they will. People will not like everything you do. And not just you, but your church. It’s more than that though, you’re doing something big for God and satan is going to make a stink about it. So oceans are going to rise. and dey gonna be ugly. But when they did, I had some amazing friends to support me, (both here and distance friends) and this year would have been impossible without them. They were like my arm floaties for swimming.

my soul will rest in your embrace
I had to be really intentional about this. My soul does not just naturally rest. My soul runs marathons when ‘oceans rise’ but the psalmist told his soul to bless the Lord. So I tell my soul to rest in his embrace. And those moments this year that I intentionally shifted my focus from “me me me” to HIM were some of the sweetest times in His presence. Intentional resting was one of the best choices I made this year!

for I am yours, and you are mine
I struggled with doubt this year. More than I ever have in my short 5 years with Jesus. I doubted all kinds of things, my call to ministry, my place in this state, at the church, in these people’s lives.. but I never doubted whose I was. I never doubted His presence in my heart. And that was invaluable.

The end. 

You thought I was going to do the whole song, didn’t you?
Thanks for reading as far as you did!

Holes

“The times she had walked out, she felt a hole in her heart. The same way her heart felt as if it had broken into a tiny million pieces, the times she had left, she left feeling a void. She was desperate to feel full, she was hungry for him to fill the holes in her heart, even if it was temporary. She had imagined the hole as a tiny thing that kept being emptied and in her attempts to fill the hole, what she had actually done was created more holes. The reality was that there was not one hole in her heart, but a myriad of holes, all different shapes and sizes. The efforts to fix herself had broken her in the end.”

how to love like an arrow.

[a story and a lesson as told by a Pastor (and retold by me with a few extra bits) in a classroom.]
Let’s say you buy me a present. A sweater. Maybe an argyle sweater? Maybe you think I play golf. Maybe you just think I like argyle. But you give me the sweater as a gift, just because. Now let’s say I want to return that sweater because I need nose hair trimmers (I don’t). And so I return the sweater for nose hair trimmers.. but then you find out. Are you mad? If you are, then you did not give me that sweater as a gift. A gift, a true gift, comes with no strings attached.

[A gift or a present is an item given to someone without the expectation of payment]

If you’re mad that I returned the sweater, you had emotional strings attached to that gift, and you didn’t give it to me as a gift, you gave it to me with the expectation of payment.. maybe payment in the form of love or gratitude. Which made the sweater, not a gift, but a tool. The sweater was a hook. A hook sinks in and pulls back. Gifts given with the expectation of return are actually hooks. [end story]

[Tool: a means to an end; one that is used or manipulated by another] 

God’s love is a gift. He give it to us with no expectation. He doesn’t expect us to love him back. He isn’t mad if you don’t accept his love or if you trade it in for something else. God’s love is like an arrow. It goes in one direction.

The point of that story was not to tell you that God’s love is an arrow and not a hook. Although perhaps someone reading this needed to read that.

The point is not to ask you, although I am going to pose the question, how do you give your love to people? Do you give away your love and expect people to love you back? Do you give away your love so that people will love you back? Do you apologize to people so that they’ll apologize back? So that they’ll love you again?

The point was this lesson: for many years of my life, I loved people with a hook. I loved people so they would love me back. I apologized for approval. I sought forgiveness for acceptance. I gave my friendship ONLY if I knew I would get it in return. I gave everything I had with expectation. And when people didn’t meet those expectations, I took it out on them. It wasn’t until I heard the sweater story, the difference between a hook and an arrow, how God loves us, and how I’m suppose to love people, that I realized I had always loved with a hook, and it destroyed far more than it built.

So for the last 3 years, I have made an effort to love like an arrow.
Here is what I try to do to love like an arrow:
–Live unoffended. Practice forgiveness. The two go hand in hand. It’s impossible to give love to people who offend us. It’s impossible to live unoffended without forgiving freely.
–Forgive without conditions. Erase this sentence from your vocabulary, “I would forgive them, but…” Forgiveness is a choice. Just like you chose to put on clothes before you left the house (because it’s socially unacceptable to be naked in public in most places), you have to choose forgiveness (because it’s spiritually unacceptable to hold a grudge)!
–Choose to love everyone. I often have to look at people and say, “I love them because God does. And that is how this will look.”
–Apologize first. I can’t tell you how many times I said to God, “I don’t have to apologize. I didn’t do anything wrong” and realized that my attitude in that moment is not very loving, and no matter how much that argument wasn’t my fault, I can find a reason to apologize.
–Remind myself that everyone deserves to be loved, and I should ALWAYS volunteer as tribute to do so.
-“We love because he loved us first” – How did God love me? Like an arrow. One direction. I only know HOW to love because God loved me first. I (try to) imitate the love I have been given. 

disclaimer: I am no expert here. Just.. a broken human wanting to shine a little light for other broken humans. 

It’s what’s for dinner.

I’m trying to get over this mental roadblock that all of my blog posts have to be 9,000 characters and a  thoughtful, well-worded, earth-shattering smattering of words. But I’m finding it’s difficult for me to produce posts like that consistently.. and I’d like to write more!

This post (and subsequent posts like it) are inspired by a fellow blogger, and former college classmate. Her blog is fun to read and easy to keep up with. She posts recipes, weekend plans, present ideas, and a myriad of other cool links, thoughts and posts. Highly recommended! http://www.theromanticrealist.net

This post is simple.. what did I cook and have for dinner this week! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve posted a picture on instagram of my food and someone asks for the recipe. I mostly have been posting only recipes from the ‘cook-overs’ but I want to share some of the other recipes I’ve been using!

I’m an avid recipe hunter. Nothing excites me like finding a simple, cheap, new recipe to use. Most of the recipes in this post are Paleo, and this week I discovered the joy of my crock-pot, so here we go!

Greek-lemon Slow Cooker Chicken
http://www.lifewith4boys.com/2013/01/greek-lemon-slow-cooker-chicken.html

-I used boneless, skinless thighs, shredded the meat and added it to some fresh lettuce (a co-worker grows lettuce and brought some to work!) with carrots and onions chopped up. Added some balsamic vinaigrette and garlic pepper and this was basically my favorite lunch this week! This took a little more prep, but totally worth it- it was delicious.

Hawaiian Chicken
http://www.paleomadepainless.com/2014/01/7-freezer-slow-cooker-paleo-meals.html?m=1

-This site has 7 recipes, but I used the first one. I didn’t have time to make my own paleo BBQ sauce, so I grabbed some gluten-free sauce at the store. This took less than 5 minutes to throw together and I practically danced when I realized how easy it was. And then I ate it. And I DID dance, because it was amazing. I ate this for lunch, just one chicken breast and it was amazing. For dinner I reheated it and added a sweet potato and I was just in paleo heaven.

Coconut Pancakes
http://nomnompaleo.com/post/5538068650/savory-coconut-pancakes

-SO EASY. I ate two after a run with some strawberries, and it was just amazing. So filling. So good. So easy.

Roasted Sweet Potatoes, Apples and Carrots
http://www.agirlworthsaving.net/2014/02/roasted-sweet-potatoes-apples-and-carrots.html

-I wish I liked this one more. It definitely made a ton. But it was lots of prep, and an hour to cook. I left it in for exactly an hour, and quite a few pieces were burned. The sweet potato tasted amazing. But the apple was weird to me? And the carrots a bit bland. Definitely give this one a try, but I think my attempt here failed.

Even if you’re not paleo, this stuff is delicious.
Happy cooking!

Put it in the oven.

I eat raw cookie dough. and brownie batter. and cinnamon roll dough. and basically if it’s sweet and about to be put in the oven, I’m going to eat some of it first.

today, I made lemon crinkle cookies. (recipe: http://foodgio.com/lemon-crinkle-cookies/) I found them on pinterest, and decided to make them after a conversation with a friend earlier. (Apparently now that the public knows that I like to cook/bake, I can no longer bring ‘store brought’ goods to a hang-out because the bar is set pretty high)

Four ingredients for less than $5 makes for a happy Liz. This stuff was cheap and EASY to make! To be honest, I’m usually not a lemon fan, but after one nibble of the batter, I knew I would be BFF’s with these cookies. I won’t lie to you, I ate (at least) a spoonful of this batter. It was so delicious. I debated not putting the batter into the oven and baking whatever could come of this heavenly dough. But since I was taking them to other people, I did it anyway.

The first batch came out of the oven, and I wasn’t super impressed with how they looked. I was like, “ok. lemon cookies. whatever.” and then I took a bite. and I died. and I came back alive and I wept at the sheer beauty of the cookie.

That didn’t happen. But I was VERY impressed at how delicious the cookies were. They were BETTER than the batter. (as most baked goods are). After the first bite, I felt silly for not wanting to cook the batter and wait 10 minutes to eat something more delightful than the original mix. But that’s how things are. We want good. We like GOOD. And often, we aren’t willing to wait for something better. Why wait 10 minutes for cookies, when I can have the batter now? I didn’t know those cookies would be so darn good, but I did know that the batter was delicious.

but sometimes you have to give up good for great. 

I like cookie dough. But I prefer a cookie fresh out of the oven. I like brownie batter, but nothing beats a warm, gooey just baked brownie. I like good, but I want the best. I want God’s best. and sometimes that means putting the dough in the oven and waiting for the treat at the other end of the timer.

photo courtesy of my dinosaur phone.

Pork with a side of fear.

I like to know what’s coming next.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being surprised, but only if I know there isn’t a surprise coming. Nothing boils my blood more than when someone says to me, “I have something for you, but I’m not giving it to you til next week” or, “Can we talk later? Not now. I can’t talk now. But later, we have to talk later.”  Why didn’t you just tell me later!? I digress…

Confession: I read the last few pages of a book after I start it. This is a horrible habit that I started years ago. I just can’t handle not knowing what is going to happen! Yes it’s “spoiled” many books for me, but I believe it helps me appreciate the book more. I really love the journey of the story, of the characters. I like to know how it’s going to end, but more than that, I like to know how the characters got there, and how the journey changed them from beginning to end. Endings don’t spoil the story. The journey is the story.

This is how everything is for me. The words ‘Spoiler Alert’ don’t deter me in book or movie reviews. Those words are music to my ears. I read reviews on Goodreads, Yelp, TripAdvisor, Rotten Tomatoes,  and a number of other blogs before I try anything new. I check, I double check, and I triple check to make sure the new things I’m going to read/watch/do are going to end great. And if I think they are, I can relax along the way.

Which is why cooking new recipes is such a step outside of my comfort zone. It explains the reason every meal I have cooked for the last year has come with a heaping side of these words, “I don’t know how this is going to turn out, so if it sucks, I’m sorry.” I apologized, I think, out of fear. I was afraid of not being 100% certain that everything was delicious. I was afraid someone would hate it. I was afraid my hard work would go to waste.

But this weekend weekend, for the first time, my cooking adventures came and went with NO apology!

I have a couple theories:
1. I’m gaining confidence.
2. I forgot that I always serve food with an apology.
3. I was kidnapped in my sleep. brainwashed by aliens that apologies are unnecessary and foreign whilst cooking. and unsuspectingly placed back into my bed.
All in favor of option 1?

Memorial Day Cooking Menu
Strawberry Lemonade
Fruit Salad
Corn on the Cob
Mashed Potatoes
Coffee Rubbed Pork Tenderloin

To keep in the spirit of my recent confession, how ’bout I FIRST show you the ending of all the recipes I cooked this weekend?

Strawberry Lemonade
Final Product:

Step 1: Chop strawberries

Step 2: Coat said strawberries in sugar

Let them sit in the fridge for 10 minutes, throw it in a pitcher, add some lemonade and voilà, your friends will want to take pictures of what you made.

recipe link: http://whatchamakinnow.blogspot.com/2013/08/chelsea-and-ginny-take-on-labor-day.html
Note: All that’s in my pitcher is sugar-berries and lemonade. I let people add the lemons/ice/sprite themselves.
Sub-note: I did try it with beer, like the original recipe calls for, and it is, in fact, delicious and not weird.

I’ve done enough cooking for my friends to know that cooking adventures can sometimes take a couple extra minutes, so I decided to make some fruit salad as an appetizer to keep them from revolting and getting hangry.

Definition of Hangry: so hungry you’re angry. Hangry.

(Also this was my excuse to finally make something from The Pioneer Woman. http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/)

Fruit Salad
Final Product:

[JK about this being the final product. I didn’t get a final product photo- the closest one is the last one you’ll see]

but. Fruit. YAHMMY.

Step 1: cut it all up and put it in a bowl. (See my lemonade there?)

Step 2: make da sauce

Step 3: Let sauce get cold.
Step 4: Pour dat sauce on the fruit.

Step 5: NOM NOM NOM NOM

recipe link: http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2013/03/pretty-fruit-salad/
Note: I didn’t garnish with mint. cause ain’t nobody got time for that.
Sub-Note: I used vanilla extract.

Corn on the Cob
Final product:

ok it’s not the FINAL product, but it was consumed pretty quickly, so no time for final photos, kids.

The great thing about this recipe is how EASY IT IS. The sauce takes 5 minutes to make, and then you just throw the corn on the grill and BOOM.
[The following pictures are just to show off Matt Harding’s excellent photography and a little bit of the corn prep.]

recipe link: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Corn-on-the-Grill-2/Detail.aspx?evt19=1
Note: This was the 2nd most popular dish I served that day. and ever in the history of my cooking.
Sub-Note: props to grill master Matt Harding and associate grill master Kyle Graham.

I also made mashed potatoes. My dad taught me how to make the recipe I used this weekend. No one raved about them, but I didn’t apologize. (Pictured below!)

Coffee Rubbed Pork Tenderloin
Final Product:

[also pictured: Mashed Potatoes & Corn]

Step 1: Make rub. [Not pictured, but check the recipe out. Don’t be deterred by the coffee beans in the recipe. THEY ARE PERFECT.]
Step 2: rubba dub dub it on.

these are the 4 minutes on the “hot” side of the grill.

and then the 8 minutes on the “cool” side of the grill.

and the pork really was the best thing I’ve ever cooked. (except I didn’t cook it. I just made the rub and put it on. HUGE props again to the master and associate master griller.)

recipe link: http://www.cooklikeachampionblog.com/2012/07/coffee-rubbed-pork-tenderloin/
Note: None needed because this was easy and amazing.

I started reading the ending of books because I couldn’t enjoy the whole book until I knew what happened. When I first started cooking, I was afraid everything would be inedible. I was so new at it, and I was certain I would fail. I was allowing the ending to dictate my journey. What if everything had turned out terrible? Would I have liked cooking any less? Probably not. But ‘what if’ was my best friend for a while there, and he’s a mean friend.

This weekend I was able to just enjoy cooking. I threw off the burden of ‘what if’ and decided to enjoy the journey of the meal. I shared the kitchen with my friends, and did not worry about the end result. No fear of failure stood over my shoulder. No anxiety about the unknown held my hand.

and no one complained about the end result. 🙂